That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
