I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He shit in the fireplace
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
