I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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