how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
