i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
