Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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