The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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