WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
