i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
