I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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