I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
