hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
