i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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