I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
