i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
