I'm so fucking centered right now
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Houston, we have a blender
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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