I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
