I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Boobs speak an international language.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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