Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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