Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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