You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
