I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
