I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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