what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
