just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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