If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
