I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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