We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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