What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've blown a few things in my day
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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