I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
