Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
