I met the friendliest cop last night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
