just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
50% drunk capacity currently
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
