Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish you could order shots online.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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