Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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