put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This baby is an asshole
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
