I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
