last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
