So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
