The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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