I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
