You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
