i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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