Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
