So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize