I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
