Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
