$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
