Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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