best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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