So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
