At least make sure they are 18
Why
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
