My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
