I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
