someone owes me an orgasm
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
