i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
