Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
