No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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