i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
