this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
