He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
