I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize