it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
