what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
