:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
