Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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